Labels should fit us, not the other way around

[Princess snuggles]

A discussion I came across recently got me thinking about labels and the way we use them within CGL/DDLG, and I wanted to share something I’ve learnt while exploring my own sexuality.

Labels are supposed to support us in understanding and expressing ourselves, not limit us.

That doesn’t mean labels don’t have meanings, of course they do, otherwise they wouldn’t be particularly useful! Shared terminology can help us communicate our experiences, find people with similar experiences and understand each other.

But I also think there has to be room for nuance.

It’s okay if the way you experience or interact with a label is slightly different from how somebody else understands or experiences that same label. People are complicated. Our experiences can overlap, change, and don’t always fit neatly into separate boxes.

You don’t have to perfectly match somebody else’s definition of a little, middle, submissive, ageplayer, age regressor, or anything else in order for your experiences to be real.

I think there’s a difference between helping somebody understand what terminology generally means and telling somebody that their own lived experience cannot exist because it doesn’t fit perfectly within our understanding of that terminology.

Just like clothing labels should fit us, we shouldn’t squash ourselves to fit within someone else’s overly rigid understanding of a label.

Labels are tools for describing ourselves, not rules for deciding whether we’re allowed to be ourselves.

We’re all constantly learning - myself included - so I hope we can approach each other’s experiences with curiosity and kindness rather than immediately deciding somebody else must be wrong.

Sending love, and remember you’re amazing! 💜