Hello - Introduction, I am new to the community!

[PNW-GentleDaddy]

Hello ! 

I hope you are all well, I am new to the community and the DDLG dynamic. This intro will have several I statements but it should be emphasized, I am here for her. Whoever she is. So give her the best chance to know me, I shall be open and honest. 

I like music and art and nature and all things that grow. Life is so much more than we acknowledge and I think we just take that for granted daily. We miss all the mystery that is outside our plain world view. Being open minded has been a skill set or a personality trait since I was a child. I am naturally curious and always wanting to explore and learn without disrupting or interfering.

I am middle aged, I was born at the very cusp of the Millennial's generation. Probably the best thing in life back then was MTV and the girls that would dance and sing on there, I would hug the tv and kiss them, my family totally made fun of me for this for so long. I just love the bright side of humanity so much, there is so much to offer and explore and to cherish and love. 

Probably the worst characteristic about myself, I would have to say even though I have a lot of patience, I can be intolerant of willful ignorance and behaviors that lead to hurting others. It makes me so infuriated that (we) our society hurt people, put them at a disadvantage, and then exploit those circumstances so they can punish those people. I am so strong willed in the terms of drive to remove dissonance, that if confronted with blatant denial and invalidation, I can get a bit defensive and confrontational. It is not a good thing and I know this and I have been working on this my entire life.

The thing is, I just love so much, so deeply, and I appreciate the world in ways I cannot explain with a connection and depth I cannot behold, that when bad people do bad things (especially to innocent people) and then people just accept it and deny its happening, it makes me want to rage about. I spiral into a negative attitude and piss about everything around me that is good. It can and has brought negativity into my own personal life, world, and those I love and protect. It is something I just cannot accept. But I have learned to accept the fact that I cannot accept this. That said, I have pushed people away, made myself look like the crazy one when griping about politics or failed governance. I feel like a lot of people are blind to this, won't even recognize it, and out o sheer disrespect, tell me to shut up about it. So to be honest, I have been quite anti social until I get to know the people I am around. I am careful as to not befriend the wrong types of personality. It has had drastic affect of improvement in my life so I am moving forward with it. I may not be able to change the world, I know this, I am broken about it, I know that too. But if I let this affect the most inner circle and peace with myself, then I am at fault. I am aware of this. 

Maybe the best characteristic about myself, I love to have fun and include others in the activities. I am a collector. I collect people and bring them together and we all share those experiences, knowledge, the in souls and the energy about them. It has been something I have had to wake up to. (unaware of) and believe me, holding a torch for others to see is NOT easy! It always comes with a cost and that is just life, balance, give and take, etc. But yea, I have always been a fierce friend and always brought those I loved around for fun events and connections. Sharing these life experiences with so many people has opened my eyes and mind and most of all, my heart. I have seen so much, maybe it's why I love so strongly, and defy the system that seeks to control and exploit. I would have to say that my friends would say I am loving, caring, fun to be around, likes to get everyone together for pictures and memories we take with us when we die. Yep, that and that I was a pain in the ass, I raise a high bar, and that it is totally worth being my friend. 

I want to leave more for others to explore, so I will keep this short. I think it would be a good idea to clarify my intention and to define it. 

I am here to learn more about myself, the DDLG dynamic I find myself constantly seeking but never experienced, and to yes, hopefully, make friends and possibly find someone special that would be interested in a relationship. I am not wanting to hook up, pimp, sugar daddy, or abuse. I want only, genuine friendships / relationship, that are based on mutual trust and open communication. 

I have been in three long term relationships over the course of my life, to which all have failed in some way or another. I have had several more girlfriends, but my body count is very low and I like to keep it that way. I take time between relationships. Years in fact. It has been 10 years since my last intimate relationship. I have been spending the last 10 years working on myself. Meditating, healthy diet, working out, ditching bad habits and toxic people, changing my life so I do not contribute to the corruption or failures of our society. I am independent, strong willed, determined, and hopeful for the future. But I keep my focus in the moment, in the NOW.

Even still, I am only human and am as perfectly imperfect as you or anyone else. I am open to talking about my failures, I reflect on them and learn from them and I am always open to sharing that so others can learn and maybe not have to learn the hard way. I always felt that was like a service to others. I am a giver . . . I am a giver like no other. The tricky part for me in the past, I was attached and had the expectations that breaks down people, trust, and eventually the relationships. I have learned the hard way, no doubt. I am hoping to find a place where I can make some friends and maybe even more one day. Who knows. I don't do dating apps, I don't go out to bars, I come home, I make my own meals, I try to live a life that is reflective of a heart that loves. It just is. I don't pretend. 

Anyway, will save the rest for those who want to get to know me. If not, that is okay too! :) For those who may be curious, I am cute, tall and athletic, in good shape but working on it. I have been dormant for a bit and am still working on my self. I like to be clean shaved or scruffy - I never wear a beard. I have short hair, and yea, the typical average of averages. Nothing special but totally unique. I am an 80's baby, who grew up on hopes and dreams with cool graphics and special effects, cinnamon toast crunch and cartoons, MTV and VH1, tape decks and cd recorders, lol, do they even still exist? 

So yea, IDK, I messed up my last relationship 100% because my partner (who was not a little) was pretty invalidating and non responsive when discussing serious concerns for our health and safety, our way of life. I was just seeking a change. Something constructive to do about it, and maybe if all went well, someone who I loved who cared about those things too. Instead she was like an Ostrich, puts her head in the sand and pretends all is okay. I just can't do that. But I also, let the anger and frustration and resentment build and we fell apart as I grew more and more distant from her. That was over 15 years ago. I have been alone for so long maybe I am not suitable for relationships anymore I don't know. I thought a forum like this would be a good way to get myself back out there. 

If you read all of this, wow, I gotta hand it to you! :) So if ya did, don't stop, say hi and ask me something! :P