PNW-GentleDaddy

Tell us a little about what needs you have to be cared after? what kinda lifestyle are you looking for, what do you want from your caregiver? :) and hiya . . . how are you?

I can relate in my own way, and I feel your pain. All I should say here is this, and I know this may be corny, but I think this is so powerful - it helped me shape my life when I was down, really really down. I want to share it with you, but you need to read it and apply it and run thought experiments as you read it, p- reflections of your own life regarding the lesson being taught. This is a free book - pdf version - titled The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, He is exceptional and deff worth investigating into, learn about him, his past, read his book, apply the messages and lessons to your own life, adapt your own model / construct or logic - then respond / act with the new programming. I know my description may be corny or whatever but its the only way I know how to describe it. And if you ever wanna chat, just say hi and tell me whats up? :) Hoping you well and the best. https://ia600709.us.archive.org/11/items/psicology/The Power of Now_a Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment_ Eckhart Tolle%2C 1999 - Eckhart Tolle.pdf

Don't give up on your own dreams, I know how you feel and I too wanna give up, maybe I had in fact given up like 10 years ago, but still I am here. I say I am not looking, but I am, just for the right person though is all. I think letting go of the attachment that I need to have someone helped me a lot. That I need to give to others before myself, that was unhealthy. Coming to know myself this way has helped me a lot. Understanding yourself by looking into others, and understanding others by looking into yourself. That was the lesson, because I would always get lost in them, lose my own sense of identity. Being an empath is really difficult. It has been for me at least, and till I learned that no matter what or who I love etc, I do come first for me. And with that, I can never give up on myself. I can give up on others, but not me. I think maybe that attitude that helped me immensely get thru the times where I just wanted to deflate, give up, self destruct, wither away. Look, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Any tunnel, your choice, its your choice how long you stay in it too, or if you prefer, realize the truth. You need no one but yourself right now. Once you see this internally, and put everyone else to the back seat, you will realize the connection. How can you want another when you don't even want yourself? That was my issue . . . Not saying it's yours, but I wanted to share in case my story could help you, maybe a perspective or attitude could rub off on ya and you can incorporate it, call it a fuck the world kinda attitude or whatever you wanna call it. :) You come first. You dont need anyone, but I get the sense of longing and wanting. Just don't want soo much, and don't give up. Hard headed runs head first into the wall, wall breaks, not the other way around silly :P hugs with love and empathy, compassion, and understanding, that you will be okay, though I get the loneliness. That will pass once you put yourself first. :) <3

I have been on this binge to bring back the 90's, getting rid of computers and subscriptions ( though I rarely have these ) and incorporating older tech, like books, dvds, cds, tape decks / recorders, mp3 players and walkmans, lol . . . After watching some of those "tech giants" talk about how they plan to make the future, they insist on the masses owning nothing and yea so I just don't think that is right. The most of that stuff built back then that still works today is built better to. If my dvd player can last 25 years, well then why do I need a netflix sub? Pirate bay and a dvd recorder is all ya need, well okay blue ray but whatever lol

Hello, How is your day? Hope you find what you are looking for, and that all goes well. :)

I'm the same way, shy at first but warms up quickly, especially with positively stimulated conversations, which I love too btw. It's why I get excited and talk a lot too. :D

I would have to say a good daddy or caregiver wants to participate in his or her role within the relationship and seeks to understand their partner intimately. There must be a desire for this, a fire cannot exist without the spark. If the CG gives feedback, listens and responds positively to your feedback, and seeks to please you and shows caring concern for, they are off to a good start. But tbh, I can't say much more than that, I think this would be essential for any relationship dynamic, so it must apply here too.

I don' think it sounds like you are being needy at all. And I am sus of the caregiver / daddy too. I wouldn't question yourself and your own needs, know them, define them, set boundaries, and communicate them to your cg. If they don't take you seriously I would reflect on what it is you really want from a relationship / and how you can move on / forward / If you want or need support, we are here for you. ! :)

I miss Cali, tbh I had a lot of great experiences there, and one heart break that had me leave the state for my own space. There will never be another calzone like the way this one shop made em, omfg . . . . sooooooo goood, and yea the people, friends, some college memories, swimming, exploring and camping, I was even homeless there for 2 years, It's kinda how I started my journey there lol, I spent idk trying to think, 4 years in cali, Northern - mid Cali to be specific, tell you what I don't want to sit in San Fran traffic ever again THATS FOR SURE ! lol oh man, some of my fav people I have shared memories with are from Cali. Tho I know most of them to be passed away now, helped build a shelter there in that one town, over 100 beds. Turned a run down church into a thriving shelter for the community. It is still up and running this day. My aunt lives there, but she is not well and when I went to visit well I ended up just leaving and toughing it out. I really really miss this one place, college overlook, I camped out there and walked to school, it was high up and could see the whole city, it was really really special, I miss that place.

I would have to image that the smell of clean new diapers brings back some memories and or emotions from being a child? I don't have those memories from that young but I do have the smells, I get wiffs when riding my bike or walking out here that from a childhood take me to a special place of security and positive feelings or memories, mostly around family or places out in nature, weird things like this smell of a toy store, the used trains had oil, and that oil has a particular smell, well I get that here and there in town and when I smell it oh man it takes me back to memories I can't actually remember. Like, I remember seeing the store and being in it but I can't exactly see it.

This is a great question,

Hello, I just joined. Looks like a newer and smaller community. I like that personally. I get around too many people and my senses get a little overloaded with all the energy around me. I have always been quite sensitive. Especially to others' emotions.

This is a good question! And I too want to know more, would some of you littles here mind chiming in?

I would at least get familiar with yourself alone before stepping out or reaching out for someone to experience this with. I would also do a good bit of research on whatever the specifics are. It sounds like whatever it is, it makes you vulnerable enough to be a security issue, and that scares you. You NEED to know you CAN trust this person, whoever they are or become to be, but before you do you should know the playing field ahead of time. That way you can set clear boundaries so to not trigger anything traumatic. The trust part I must emphasize on, you need to know this person well and know they will not take advantage of you. I would say as long as you know these things, One , yourself and your boundaries, Two, the partner you play with, You are good to go, Go have fun, explore in a safe and fun environment that is private and secure. Or public, if that is your thing. :) Yourself should ALWAYS come first and you never intentionally put yourself in harms way, Ever! <3 No one is more important, or more of your responsibility than yourself. And I just preface this by stating this obvious, If you cant love or trust yourself, how can you ever love or trust another? wishing the best for you.

Like in what sense, good or bad? Like oh wow dreamy will never forget that person, amazing aura or whatever . . . Or like they did a terrible thing and everyone should know and no one should ever forget that! I would have to say prolly the most similar things irl, abuse, exploit, criminal, toxic, ? or in the other light, they were amazing, had such brilliance in energy, selfless and of service and reputation. But without knowing more of the context, I struggle diving deeper.

HAHA I know that store! I got my glowing POI there and all my other rave stuffs. Small world.

I would not. I would only post publicly things that represent or reflect you . . . in that light. I know people have, and cudos for them, I just think in terms of privacy and security, You may send a pic to someone you like after getting to know them, sure that is different, but yea I am a bit suspicious of the Internet and hackers and the government, using your data in ways you can't or don't image right now. just looking out. I respect your choice which ever way you go of course, I am just here to offer my opinion on this matter. :) Best wishes.

As the title states, I want to be a good, no, GREAT caregiver. I am this way naturally, my intention that is, my heart's dynamic / desire, is to give and to love and protect. That said, I have never been in a DDLG relationship. I have only dated within my own age bracket and I feel that my previous relationships where typical, just part of the social construct's refection or projection of what a relationship SHOULD be. Like most of these relationships, they fail. They fail fast and hard while costing lots and lots of money, time, and heartache. I know because I followed the same path that was laid before me without even know I was on auto pilot. Stupid me can be so naive and arrogant and yea, just thinking I'm doing right when I am only doing what I had been told. Life is a bit different for me now. I intentionally abandoned the previous life, lifestyle, ALL of the people, and had to take time for my own well being. I keep myself isolated because the world is insane and there are shitty people out there who look for others with the intention to get something out of it, whatever that is. And tbh I never seen life like that, till I lived that life. I was 100% ignorant that perspective lens existed. What I mean is, we all live our own life, but till you have lived it and then reflect on it, you will remain ignorant of the program, your own program, and the automatic construct that is driven by the ego. Looking back, I was a different person, I was not the real me, but the me that was born into a world that told me what to be, what to do, what to believe. If I am going to move forward in my own life here, personal relationships, I chose to do so with the awareness and intention of being aware, so I can make better decisions. The first several parts I have already been undertaking for the past decade. I am now ready for this current part, reflecting in my own personal relationships. I want to walk forward into a relationship knowing my partner, who she, yes she because if there was any confusion, I am a he, hehe lol . . . I want to know my partner, who she really is, and what her needs are. I am now aware of my own needs, and identity, though I will always admit there is more to learn and explore and I need only ask to do so. So, In the DDLG dynamic, what is a caregiver ? and does this definition change or shift depending on who I am asking ? I ask because, I mean I could and will, use wiki, a dictionary, google - naa fuck google I will use duckduckgo quack quack, but yea asking here because I don't think stupid questions exist, only stupid people lol - people who don't ask the question never find out so they remain ignorant, so yea, always ask the stupid question! I am rambling here aren't I? So to be serious again, How do YOU define caregiver, and what roles does this person take on? How can I be a bad caregiver? I know that one may seem like, well dah, you just like don't do bad stuff dah . . . but define it, I want to know what others think and feel about this role. I feel it is important to know what you think and feel, and I consider that very much, and am appreciative of your time and effort in writing a proper reply. Honestly, and I hope my messaging gives you a chuckle every now and then. So is being a caregiver any different than "being a man in a relationship with a woman, where you end up living together in a few years and yea, life goes on" ? I feel if I don;t ask these things, I will not understand the boundaries and thus could not simply respect my littles space and her presence fully. I want to deeply understand the needs and roles and responsibilities in the sense of this specific dynamic, else I just couldn't be a good daddy. And that is my last question here, is a daddy the same as a caregiver? If it if not the same, or maybe it is in some ways, if it is different in some ways, how is it different? Thanks!

I may giggle when you hug me I may jiggle when you love me I just hope that is okay Because all of you are so lovely

I can't see much wrong with being needy. It can be an issue if you can't even take care of yourself, that is another issue I think. But needs, we all have them and we all need them too. If your caregiver neglects your needs I would consider maybe having a conversations with them and let them know, give them the chance to understand what your needs are, maybe if you want to explain why your needs are but you don't have to, and see if he chooses to address them. If not, I would say it might not be a caregivers dynamic . . .

Hello ! I hope you are all well, I am new to the community and the DDLG dynamic. This intro will have several I statements but it should be emphasized, I am here for her. Whoever she is. So give her the best chance to know me, I shall be open and honest. I like music and art and nature and all things that grow. Life is so much more than we acknowledge and I think we just take that for granted daily. We miss all the mystery that is outside our plain world view. Being open minded has been a skill set or a personality trait since I was a child. I am naturally curious and always wanting to explore and learn without disrupting or interfering. I am middle aged, I was born at the very cusp of the Millennial's generation. Probably the best thing in life back then was MTV and the girls that would dance and sing on there, I would hug the tv and kiss them, my family totally made fun of me for this for so long. I just love the bright side of humanity so much, there is so much to offer and explore and to cherish and love. Probably the worst characteristic about myself, I would have to say even though I have a lot of patience, I can be intolerant of willful ignorance and behaviors that lead to hurting others. It makes me so infuriated that (we) our society hurt people, put them at a disadvantage, and then exploit those circumstances so they can punish those people. I am so strong willed in the terms of drive to remove dissonance, that if confronted with blatant denial and invalidation, I can get a bit defensive and confrontational. It is not a good thing and I know this and I have been working on this my entire life. The thing is, I just love so much, so deeply, and I appreciate the world in ways I cannot explain with a connection and depth I cannot behold, that when bad people do bad things (especially to innocent people) and then people just accept it and deny its happening, it makes me want to rage about. I spiral into a negative attitude and piss about everything around me that is good. It can and has brought negativity into my own personal life, world, and those I love and protect. It is something I just cannot accept. But I have learned to accept the fact that I cannot accept this. That said, I have pushed people away, made myself look like the crazy one when griping about politics or failed governance. I feel like a lot of people are blind to this, won't even recognize it, and out o sheer disrespect, tell me to shut up about it. So to be honest, I have been quite anti social until I get to know the people I am around. I am careful as to not befriend the wrong types of personality. It has had drastic affect of improvement in my life so I am moving forward with it. I may not be able to change the world, I know this, I am broken about it, I know that too. But if I let this affect the most inner circle and peace with myself, then I am at fault. I am aware of this. Maybe the best characteristic about myself, I love to have fun and include others in the activities. I am a collector. I collect people and bring them together and we all share those experiences, knowledge, the in souls and the energy about them. It has been something I have had to wake up to. (unaware of) and believe me, holding a torch for others to see is NOT easy! It always comes with a cost and that is just life, balance, give and take, etc. But yea, I have always been a fierce friend and always brought those I loved around for fun events and connections. Sharing these life experiences with so many people has opened my eyes and mind and most of all, my heart. I have seen so much, maybe it's why I love so strongly, and defy the system that seeks to control and exploit. I would have to say that my friends would say I am loving, caring, fun to be around, likes to get everyone together for pictures and memories we take with us when we die. Yep, that and that I was a pain in the ass, I raise a high bar, and that it is totally worth being my friend. I want to leave more for others to explore, so I will keep this short. I think it would be a good idea to clarify my intention and to define it. I am here to learn more about myself, the DDLG dynamic I find myself constantly seeking but never experienced, and to yes, hopefully, make friends and possibly find someone special that would be interested in a relationship. I am not wanting to hook up, pimp, sugar daddy, or abuse. I want only, genuine friendships / relationship, that are based on mutual trust and open communication. I have been in three long term relationships over the course of my life, to which all have failed in some way or another. I have had several more girlfriends, but my body count is very low and I like to keep it that way. I take time between relationships. Years in fact. It has been 10 years since my last intimate relationship. I have been spending the last 10 years working on myself. Meditating, healthy diet, working out, ditching bad habits and toxic people, changing my life so I do not contribute to the corruption or failures of our society. I am independent, strong willed, determined, and hopeful for the future. But I keep my focus in the moment, in the NOW. Even still, I am only human and am as perfectly imperfect as you or anyone else. I am open to talking about my failures, I reflect on them and learn from them and I am always open to sharing that so others can learn and maybe not have to learn the hard way. I always felt that was like a service to others. I am a giver . . . I am a giver like no other. The tricky part for me in the past, I was attached and had the expectations that breaks down people, trust, and eventually the relationships. I have learned the hard way, no doubt. I am hoping to find a place where I can make some friends and maybe even more one day. Who knows. I don't do dating apps, I don't go out to bars, I come home, I make my own meals, I try to live a life that is reflective of a heart that loves. It just is. I don't pretend. Anyway, will save the rest for those who want to get to know me. If not, that is okay too! :) For those who may be curious, I am cute, tall and athletic, in good shape but working on it. I have been dormant for a bit and am still working on my self. I like to be clean shaved or scruffy - I never wear a beard. I have short hair, and yea, the typical average of averages. Nothing special but totally unique. I am an 80's baby, who grew up on hopes and dreams with cool graphics and special effects, cinnamon toast crunch and cartoons, MTV and VH1, tape decks and cd recorders, lol, do they even still exist? So yea, IDK, I messed up my last relationship 100% because my partner (who was not a little) was pretty invalidating and non responsive when discussing serious concerns for our health and safety, our way of life. I was just seeking a change. Something constructive to do about it, and maybe if all went well, someone who I loved who cared about those things too. Instead she was like an Ostrich, puts her head in the sand and pretends all is okay. I just can't do that. But I also, let the anger and frustration and resentment build and we fell apart as I grew more and more distant from her. That was over 15 years ago. I have been alone for so long maybe I am not suitable for relationships anymore I don't know. I thought a forum like this would be a good way to get myself back out there. If you read all of this, wow, I gotta hand it to you! :) So if ya did, don't stop, say hi and ask me something! :P